martial arts.. a useful thing

There are a few things which Indian parents often forget to teach the children, and as a result they are either deprived from some great joys or suffer dearly. I have jotted down six of them, and have distributed them in six posts. Even though I don’t and wont have a child of my own, but thought about sharing it with parents:
One: Self defense:-
The need of learning self defense arts may seems unimportant in the eyes of most of the Indian parents. Who somehow have built a strong misconception that nothing can go wrong with children, because no one harms innocent children. They need to snap out of that reverie, its not that thing any more, with the violence on the upward move, and too many provocations, life has become very complex. And mostly the innocent and weak bear the brunt. This harsh truth has been dished out time and time again that innocent, weak and naïve children or people are the main target of bullies.

The second main target of assaulters are women, especially women who go out to do different activities either in isolated areas or at odd hours. Recently I have read a few incidents and articles about harassment, in western countries, where women have the extreme liberty and have to face the extreme violence, they carry few things with them when they are going out at odd hours, simple available things like chilly powder, a bottle of perfume or legal guns which is capable of temporarily paralyzing the offender by giving him a low capacity electric shock. Combination of martial art with one or more of these weapons can give them lot more confidence to move around independently.

In today’s world these are the practical steps for career women in my eyes. As for martial arts, I always suggest my friends who have children to train them with self defense.

Learning self defense skill is full of boons from every angle, in one hand it gives a person the confidence to go out and meet the world without a bodyguard. Which most of the women still prefer to have when they are going out, especially during odd hours. On the other it gives immense physical fitness. I have trained myself to karate classes, could not finish it, but the immense feeling of physical well being that I enjoyed during those years was too self satisfactory.

Its not possible for us to have the luxury of simply playing some game every day, but once we have enough training in martial arts we will feel the inner urge to practice every day from home. Most of the exercises can easily be done from home and independently.

So in gist, one will have the confidence and physical fitness almost free of cost. These institutes charge minimum fees. All we have to do is be careful that the trainer doesnot messes up the muscles and bones, have the license and expertise to understand the correct methods of exercises.

Manner of protesting

I personally believe that the true nature of a person is identified by the way he protests. You will see it if you observe people around you keenly. There are people who don’t say a word until they are pushed in a corner, and there are people who get nasty if their mistakes are rectified by some one. For example you can say there are people who silently bear the blaring of microphone right outside their window throughout the night, and there are people who beat them up who dare to protest about that nuisance.

Or we can talk about Bittu, he has not studied much, his favourite past time is he hangs around all the joints in locality and scrutinizes all the people who pass by minding their own businesses. His best friends are the persons of same profession as him, mostly jobless or petty workers, working for small payments.

If he sees some one smartly dressed or happy or confident some thing fumes inside him, he sneers at them and passes snide remarks. Tries to make them feel guilty for their superiority or happiness. If he sees some lady well dressed up his first remark is that woman is going for a date, if he sees a guy listening to music in his ear phone his pat remark is he is deaf, and that is his hearing aid. He calls it his way of protesting against moral corruption. He eagerly joins all kind of protest and is a snap away from vandalism, always. It takes a raindrop to make him violent.

Or we can talk about Prema, she is always dead confident that whatever she is saying is correct, if you try to talk against her opinion, she will either lose her temper and become rude or quarrel with you. As a result most of the people fall silent the moment she opens her mouth and leave her vicinity or sit beside her in dumb silence making her even more confident that she is right and everyone else is fool.

If we watch around us we will see that not only individual human beings like bittu, but societies also often act this way. Like, there are politicians, religious leaders, business men, muscle men who crush down all the possible threats to their existence, there are even more arrogant ones who crush down any thing they don’t like. Without even bothering to think about giving their victims the minimum human right.

Celebration of womanhood

After passing almost forty years in India as a woman, I really have started to believe that women are not much welcome in this country. If they go by the rulebooks of the society she has to face one set of problems and if that woman has her own existence, personality and lifestyle she has to face another set of problems.

I belong to the latter category, so I can share my view, ever since my childhood I was head strong about independence, I believed in living life according to my own terms and conditions, of course, I lived a life which according to my eyes was honest, well mannered, pure and justified. But not to others I guess, so they kept on pointing me out that I am wrong and the society is right, till the date I turned a deaf ear to them, and after seeing the condition of the obedient disciples I am happy about my decisions, my observations say only one thing, just the colour and shape of the chain changes, the society just wants to wear women chain they select them to wear. It will be finalized by a bunch of people how you will walk, how you will talk, what will you eat, drink, who will you mix with, a bunch of people who don’t care about your pain and happiness, your existence and non existence. No matter whether you have been obedient or disobedient, they wont be around you when you need them, but they will always be around to point out your mistakes or brand your normal behaviour as mistake. So I think I was smart being disobedient. Because by being disobedient I am atleast enjoying my independence and the joys related to it.

When I first learnt to ride a bicycle, all eyebrows shot up, I had wanderlust, I just loved to ride my bicycle every morning for miles, now, that’s not appropriate for young ladies of small town, hence I used to hear cat calls, then there was another provocation from my end, I used to wear jeans, and learnt karate, so, I had a bunch of admirers who were pretty confused about my gender and used to call me a man dressing up as a woman because I dared to trespass in their so called territorry. The third and final provocation was the decision of staying single, this is the decision which I have earned most dearly, the type of remarks I have heard or harassments I have been through have made me even more happier that I have chosen to stay independent, and have not let people drag me into a relationship with some one who doesnot respects a woman as a human being.

After reaching the point, when no remark can make much impact on me, I feel amused, amused about the obsession of human beings in controlling other people’s live. Why do people do that I will never understand, because I always believed in independence. But one thing is for sure, I do respect middle class women who have the courage of standing their ground and facing the wrath of the society. By joining odd professions, by living their own honest but independent lifestyle. The confidence on their face makes me happy, they are achieving for some thing which we initiated.

Rabindranath Tagore and me

I have too many fond memories attached with this person and the immense treasure of poetry and songs he has left for us, Bengalis. My first memory of him was, I still remember, in my childhood, there was a photo of Rabindranath in his trademark gown, hands folded on his back, with beard in our drawing room. I still remember that pic clearly, even though 28 years have passed since. My mother used to sing marvelous rabindrasangit, a gift she could not pass to her daughters who were extremely eager to learn it, just because she was not a good teacher at all. But her voice is one of the best rabindrasangit voice I have ever heard. I still remember her singing “Chander haasir baandh bhengechhe…”

My childhood was spent in UP, mainly listening to hindi film songs, then I came in touch with Bengalis for the first time in Raisina, I used to return by school bus and one of our teachers had a marvelous voice, I still remember one day he sang the song “akash bhara surya tara” for his friends, and we all listened to his voice in pin drop silence. His voice still rings in my ears after 20 years.

Then I returned to west Bengal and my true romance with rabindrasangit started, I returned to west Bengal in 1985 and for the first five or six years I only listened to rabindrasangit, I was just obsessed with it, listening to the same song over and over again, drinking it with my ears. First it was debabrata and others, then slowly it shifted to suchitra, sagar sen, chinmoy and finally I selected two as my hot favourites shantideb ghosh and kanika, the rest came after these two in various steps.

Being a full blooded Bengali, full of emotion I often find my own reflection in rabindrasangit, so many of his songs speak out my words in a language which I could never portray. Like some one has taken the dream from my eyes and colours from my palette and made a beautiful portrait out of that. All my moods, all my hopes, dreams, desires were captured and portrayed by him.

When some one asks me which one is my favourite Rabindrasangit I am caught in a catch 22 situation. I simply say none, even the list of my favourites is very long, I just cant compare in between them. Like aguner parashmani, anandadhara bahichhe bhubane, krishnakali ami tarei boli, je rate mor duar guli, naha mata naha kanya, ami chitrangada, I just cant make up my mind about which one is best.

Its just like the various seasons of this earth, they all are beautiful and all are indispensable part of the entire show. So many times these songs has cheered me up, given me inner peace, filled up my heart with immense happiness, given me the courage to face the world.

There is nothing in the music world so complete, so fulfilling and so everlasting as the works of this one creator.

Disaster management in India

This article was written last year, when bihar was facing a horrible flood disaster, as the monsoon are approaching, I will love to share this article with everyone especially people of bihar, hoping it may give them some ideas if the disaster strikes again. Which environment specialists doubt as true. If the skies pour down again.

I have been reading about the Bihar flood from the very first day, and the havoc that it has caused. I have listened to the non government organizations coming forward and collecting money from the common people to do some thing for the flood victims, but all we could hear from government quarters was squabble.

When a hurricane hit Galveston island in 1900 six thousand people perished, another hurricane of similar capacity struck Galveston in 1915 only a dozen or so people perished, reason? The government has built a sea wall, and most probably have evacuated the city, like it has done when Ike was heading for Houston.

The citizens of America will survive if their homes are destroyed, but the poor people of rural India who don’t even have a proper house, can they survive if they lose every thing that they have? I believe not. Its scary to think what will be their condition, and scarier to think what will government do to re establish them, and when!

To add up to their misfortune, I have read that the soil which Kosi is bringing is poisonous, its not the rich, fertile soil that rivers bring down. So once the waters recede the people had more miseries in store.

The victims of Tsunamis have not yet recovered from their wound, they are constantly exploited by greedy people, my friend’s sister works for Tsunami affected people, so I know a little bit of inside stories. I wonder what was in store of the extremely poor Bihar people.

In a country like India where relief materials rot, I think the voluntary organizations can take a few humanitarian steps. In small towns reputed organizations like Ramkrishna Mission and Bharat Sevashram Sangha goes door to door with authentic papers and collect even worn dresses from people. Naturally they are quite cautious about hygienic side, and select only appropriate dresses. I remember they used to take only cotton, tant or light synthetic saree and pants and shirts and of course kid wear, monetary help was welcome and they took 11 rupee donation with dignity. I have seen school children fishing out one rupee coin for their boxes. If such people collect relief materials most of the people will give without hesitation. That covers the preliminary part, the collection of donation.

Second is they can locate the nearest ashram to the affected area and dump the relief materials there.

Third is they can request the service of ex army men who were expert in relief work and hand over the relief material to them from that point onward, they will do the distribution.

I think instead of waiting for government officials to have pity on dying people this will be a lot more effective way of working. I have a lot more faith on charitable organizations than government officials. And whatever I said, I think is quite easily achievable if they really want.

Hope we wake up and make some homeworks before entering the examination hall. When we are sitting in the hall we don’t have much choice about what to answer. But if we study before it we will have our feet on ground.

And it will be wise to keep these points in mind as having one or other natural calamity every year is a natural phenomenon in India, the land of geographical diversities.

Aggression

If we observe keenly we will sadly agree that modern world is of shoving and pushing. The more aggressive you are, the more mileage you will gain. Aggession and ruthlessness has become the mantra for success. Today the gentlemen are roughly pushed to back seat by less qualified or eligible go getters. The softer you are the worser nightmare your career life will become, no matter how capable you are if you cant fight tooth and nail for it, or opt for the “by hook or by crook” policy you wont be able to make steady place.

There will be always a fear lurking in the corner that some one will grab your well deserved seat by some under the seat method.

If we see we will realize that its just the way the society is moving, it does not all of a sudden pops up its head once a person joins an office. Modern day children are brought up that way. Our parents used to teach us compassion, humility, affection. Today the children are taught to be competitive, ruthless, selfish. When they grow up they give the society the same. It does not have any connection with poverty, today the luxury in the life of common man is far more than it was twenty years ago.

We were taught by our parents that sharing never makes you poor, it makes you spiritually rich. The boys and girls who did not shared were called selfish, but today they are called smart.

Some how the sharing tendency has changed to grabbing tendency. We have started to think mainly for only us, even our parents don’t fall in our private circle. We often take them as threat to our luxury too. We cant share our excess income with them, forget about bare necessities.

I have read in an article that its due to population explosion, a group of scientists have proved it with a group of rats in an confined enclosure. The more their numbers grew their aggression increased. If we study human society, we will see the same symptoms. There is an overeager ness for grabbing for things, which we may never need.

Say, for example, where is the problem in sharing our excess clothes or money with people who don’t have any? Is it necessary that we will have to make a postmortem or set up an enquiry committee to assess the worthiness of the stretched hand? How poor he really is, what does he does with the one rupee coin which we gave them or the rejected shirt we gave them? I remember the beautiful doha by rahim which meant those people who stretch their palm for favour are already dead, but those who refuse them are doubly so. They have died before them.

We are forgetting that every society moves together to get a goal. People bulldoze others in stampede or battlegrounds, not in a civilized society. If we turn away our face from the suffering of other peoples, burning down of their houses, our homes will not be saved either.

Solitude and loneliness

People love to make this mistake, they confuse between loneliness and solitude, single and lonely, silent and sad. The list is never ending.

People often make a misconception that the people who live with themselves mostly, creating a blank space around them, which is penetrable yet non penetrable at the same time are unhappy or depressed. It’s the one of the biggest misconception any one can make in case of judgment.

I am one of these person, who love to spend long time on my own, simply not interacting with any one, I love to be on my own, listening to music, reading, watching movies on computer or surfing the cyberland. I always loved observing others but from a distance and without interfering in their affairs. During my school and college life I used to sit in a seat from where I was not visible to any one, and used to watch people walking on the street, they never felt the irritation of being watched, and I loved to see them in their natural way. Or in get togethers my role was more of a spectator enjoying the show.

Till now I don’t join in festivities like bursting crackers or pandal hopping, instead of that I love to watch those who are doing it, playing with crackers, colours or all decked up and dancing with joy.

People often form a misconception that I don’t mix with people because I think I am superior than them, a fact which I just cant make them understand that I know I am like every body else, but I love to watch people from a distance, I don’t like to mingle with some one until and unless he or she forces himself or herself into my space or I see some thing interesting in them. I rather love to play the role of audience, to watch the wheel turning.

In general I prefer just to watch and listen, not talk. That does not means I am homophobic or depressed. That means I am at peace with myself and the world. Sometimes those who think otherwise and try to tear my cocoon and get too cozy are the only one who get stinged, because I guess I am over protective of my solitude, of that blank space around me.

I really wonder every time I sting some one if it is really my fault or the clumsiness of these naïve people, who don’t understand the simple truth that need of solitary time varies from one person to another. Some people always want to have some one they can talk with, share their feeling and some people would not mind living in an isolated island.

I have finally concluded that the friction of social and unsocial people is eternal. Social people think unsocial people rude and unsocial people think that social people are naïve. Seekers of solitude always crave for hours of solitude in the urban jungle, and the social animals get confused about their true motive and make up opinions about them. Thinking it is really odd that a person would rather prefer to stay with himself for hours instead of talking with others, or having company of others.

Cyber horrors

Internet can be a blessing or curse for lonely people seeking human companionship through it. I have often read about lonely and naïve people falling in the clutches of the most devious people and heading for heartbreak or worse.

There are a few incidents worth sharing from which we can learn lessons. All of them involved people of matured age, no one involved was minor or child, so it can be assumed that we adults can be hoodwinked too, right?

First one I read in newspaper, a young South Indian doctor studying in USA fell in love with his net friend, an exquisite beauty from Hongkong, he fell in love with her so much that he proposed to her and she agreed to marry him, on condition that he will settle down in Hongkong where she was a nurse. Slowly he started to send his earnings to her so she could look for a decent flat and job for him in Hongkong, he drained all his savings and transferred it to her account, then he went to meet her, and found that the 23 year old svelte beauty was an illusion, the actual woman was 48 year old, with a husband and seven children. All the money which he has fished out of from his hard earned salary has been already spent on that hungry family. He sued the lady and returned US broke and heartbroken. The result of the case was yet to be out.

The second one I heard was about two engineering students, lovers, they opened email ids in names of male and female and both used to use these ids together, to fool others, they both used both the ids, sometimes together, some times independently, used each other’s phones and in the process made fun of those who walked into their trap. Their cover was blown when one ardent admirer of the female version, that is the female id they used, insisted on meeting her and landed up in the college, and the guy, exhausted, admitted that he and his lover used to play this game.

The third one is famous all over India, the way the Pakistani cricketer was shown the photograph of one woman and he married some one completely different through phone nikaah. This was an example of too much trust, I think he is the only one person in the whole universe who can have that much blind faith on a net friend. But it showed us the picture too, the tricks net can play.

The fourth one is pretty unsavoury, it was about a group of linked criminal minded educated youth, they used to visit the chat rooms or friendship sites of net, used to sort out lonely people, trap them in their net and rob them off their money by blackmailing them or simply duping them.

They used pseudonyms, and separate ids, they used to befriend each and every victim in a group. Victim never guessed that they are a group but they worked as a group and helped the one their victim fancied most to entrap the victim, by coaxing the victim to fall in love with him or her. And once the victim was in their grip they used to either entrap him or her for blackmailing or for duping. The group was not limited to one single place, they were scattered all over Delhi and surrounding places hence were never caught

chosing right friend

After having too many good friends in life, some of whom have filled up my life with love, joy and happiness, I have learnt one lesson, that is if some one finds a loving friend, who wants to stay throughout the life, he is luckier than the richest person in life, but such luck is rare.

Friends in one hand can be a source of great joy and peace but on the other hand they can cause immense pain, because we expect truly unselfish affection from friends, hoping that they will love us just the way we are, ignoring our harmless lacking, like gawky looks, empty wallet etc etc. but quite contrary to our belief, there are people who go by such trivial things when they are choosing friends. And when simple minded people get entangled with them, the result is always painful.

As a person who was extremely affectionate, loyal, love hungry and extremely plain, I have few things to share, I believe that its extremely improbable for people like me to get friends who will match our level of enthusiasm about friendship. Because in present age most of the people look for entertainment in every thing, in movies, in books, in relationships every where, hence those, who are like me, whose mindset is fifty years old should be extra careful of their feelings, and should know when to let go. That’s the biggest mantra of happy relationships.

There are few ways in which we can expertly de-weed, that is let the casual people go, throw the dangerous ones out and stick with only serious people. There are two types of temporary friends, one those who are completely harmless, and just don’t want to stick with some one unless they are too much impressed by them, these people come to your life overflow it with their sweetness and then just disappear, no matter how much you try, they don’t stay back. You will slowly come to know their nature, they gradually distance themselves, their warmth slowly disappears, and if you still cling to them they become cold and some times rude, they try to make you understand in every possible way that they are not interested in you any more, like not picking up your phone, but telling you how much they love talking with mister x or miss y, they often spend hours with them on phone. Whenever you mail them, the answers are in one or two lines, or try to chat with them, they disappear with polite excuses, but later tell you elaborately how they spend pages of mail to others, or chat for hours with other, If you get that hint, good, otherwise these people can sometimes become nasty, or rude. Just let them walk away, and if they come back, think twice before giving them access, just admit the truth that they are not the committing type. They will move away the moment they saw some one more interesting.

The second type are to be thrown away from your life the moment their cover is blown, these people lead an unhappy personal life, and as a big majority of unhappy people, try to spread that poison to others. They will become friends with you, then try to irritate you, snub you, insult you and if you don’t give in, then try to misuse the information you have already passed on to them. Just don’t share too much information with friends unless you are very clear about their motives. And take my tip, some times deliberately give them some false information to gauge their intentions. In my 3 years of net friendship I have come across these two categories of people, and am yet to find the friend who will stay back.