Confused in love

Indians are ONE confused lot when they are talking about this very natural and eternal phenomenon LOVE. A few years back, that is a couple of decades, this very natural pheonomenon was treated like an odd thing, people did not dared to admit openly that their marriage was lovemarriage, now, courtsey to greeting card companies things have come out of the closet and people have become over obsessed with showing it off, but the CONFUSION is still there, as much it was twenty years ago.

I have heard people arguing over rich people falling in love with poor, hindu with muslim, older women with younger men, people of same gender, all these arguments have one thing in common, we always try to play naysayers and prove that we know better than the lovers. I will share three of the most common cases.

One of my friends was in love with a colleague who was 4 or 5 years older than him, he once asked me for my opinion, and I honestly told him that its entirely his decision, if he believes that husband and wife are soulmates, then why not, later, his family and friends pressurized him to marry some one of their choice, who obviously is younger than him, and that guy is still bitter about it. Because he thinks that they made him lose his soulmate.

My suggestion to him now, that he is married, he should be content with his present life. If he really loved that woman that much, he would have risked marrying her. But by getting convinced by his parents and friends he proved that the foundation of his love was not as strong as it should be. He forgot one simple thing, that when people marry as per norms even then they have too many storms to face among themselves, and if they marry against social norms then they will have to face LOT MORE problems. Famiy and social hostility, sniggers, sarcastic remarks, boycots, preachings, poisoning.. the list is really very long. The marriage will survive if and only if the love is too deep.

The second case ended with happier note, the eternal hindu muslim squabble, but the marriage was accepted by both the families after the first child was born. Here also the families tried their level best to separate them, the girl being a muslim was not allowed to attend the religious functions, not only that even the boy was barred from them, because his wife was muslim. But things changed a lot after the first child.

The third category are most probably the most tortured ones, and it really mystifies me why they are targeted so viciously, so what if some one prefers a person of the same gender? Is it worser than having a spouse and children yet maintaining relationships with more people? Or killing, maiming, selling drugs or wasting public money? When we can accept these people and even make them our representatives in every sphere of life why do we force these people to kill themselves? Just because they cant fight back?

Is acting against the normal social norms, and doing something weird but harmless is some thing more vulgar than marrying some one for his or her money? Or flirting with more than one persons at a time without loving any of them? Then, if we accept the later incidents then why cant we accept the first one? The fact is none of them is normal, they are a little out of the routine.

The same gender relationship is harmless for the society, if we let them be, but the latter ones are harmful for the society. No, don’t go day dreaming, I am straight, if I had any such tendencies I would not have hidden it. just like you, I too cant imagine why a person is interested in same gender, but I know how to mind my own business. As long as they don’t bother others, they should be left alone.

We forget one simple thing that love is a very spontaneous and genuine feeling, it just lights up two hearts, and those two hearts should be left to make the decision. All we can do is suggest, not preach or bully. Even if the person they are loving or planning to marry is just not their type, we can only point out the psychological or other differences, and leave the decision on lovers.

Interfering too much in relationships as intimate as love or marriage, is basically a sign of immense immaturity, I think there is only one ground on which people may try hard to convince their loved ones, that is, if they think that the love is one sided, and their loved one’s object of fancy is trying to use his weakness. In that case I think any conscientious friend should intervene, at least I would. But I will always keep in mind that it is none of my business, I may be told to behave myself. But I will.